My $200 tomato

Well, it’s official. I’m probably the worst gardener on earth.It all started with the notion that as a home owner, I have the right to tear up my yard of grass and replace it with that glossy-edible fruit — the tomato. That’s it! I’ll have lots of plants… All grown with my hard labor and excitement for a green (red) thumb.

But first I need to go to the Nursery. I must purchase the best seeds, soil, compost, tools, and everything they have to make the results look effortless. (My neighbor has a beautiful garden, and doesn’t let me forget how their family is saving the world from the evils of mass-corporate farms.)

So, there it is. A pile of goodies, lots of sunshine, and a receipt for $643. I attack the designated area and stake my claim. Now I wait… Unfortunately, nobody told me that moles, bugs, and weeds grow faster than tomatoes. Oops. I’ve created a monster. The new plants are growing, but they don’t look so good. I see little baby bumps starting to grow, and I prey, chant, and fertilize like mad.

In the end, I did produce a tomato. I proudly brought it into the house, cleaned it off, and put it on top of my dinner salad. I thought, “You’re a pricey little shi#@*!!”

I think I have a whole new appreciation for my local grocery store produce guy.

Leave a Reply

Name and Email Address are required fields. Your email will not be published or shared with third parties.