Handyman Hell

There’s a man in my backyard who’s covered in dirt and looks like a Sasquatch.

I guess it’s my fault. I didn’t want to do the work, myself. WRONG… Backup. I DID want to do it myself, but my wife said, “I’m not allowing you to dig holes, use buckets and shovels, and drag dirt into the house.” She’s right. I did that when I was 8 years old, and now grown ups get paid for the pleasure.

So, I went through the local paper and found the ad. “No job too small, or inexpensive.” The next thing I know, there’s a stranger at my house having his way with my garden.

The project involved a simple ditch and some pipe. But, wait! I hear scraping and crunching and there’s machinery burping noises. Is this necessary? Why so much destruction? My poor house is sensitive and can’t take this much excitement. If you peel it like an onion, you’re only going to expose more problems and make me cry.

I had to have a talk with my hired help. “Can we have some closure?” I asked. He explained that the dirt-bone is connected to the shovel-bone, and that there’s a direct correlation between my confusion and his 401K. I held my breath and went into a comma — when I awoke he was gone and the project was just a bad dream.

I’m not opposed to using freelance home-helpers, in the future. But if I do a project like this one, again, I’m getting an 8 year old.

2 Responses to Handyman Hell

  1. delightmare says:

    hey, maureen — it was good talkin’ to you… It appears I will shoot my KING 5 “Good Day NW” guest appearance next Mon 10.25.10 at 11am.
    (They usually post a video clip on their KING 5 site, later that night.)

    Thanks for your support. I’ll contact you later and we’ll see if there’s a date for me to speak. maybe Jan or Feb ’11.

    Meanwhile, enjoy your nest. Dr. Rayner

  2. Craig DD Nowlin says:

    If you didn’t have so D*@m many account people in your way, you probably would have had this published long ago. Congrats!


Leave a Reply

Name and Email Address are required fields. Your email will not be published or shared with third parties.