My De-Fence against Deer.

I’ve been ordered by “the top brass” to create a simple barrier between her Spring garden and the Bambi in our midst. Folks have told me to hire a professional. Heck, I don’t need any expert showing me how to dig a hole and plant a post. Oops… Or, do I?

Proper tools and materials make any job easier. So, the first thing to do is get a fence post-hole digger. My wife likes this idea of me exercising my flabby arms and chest. In fact, she recently handed me her brassiere and said, “Here. You need this more than I do.” Ouch.

Next, on the list is a ‘rock bar’. It’s a long steel pole used to wedge any stones in the way — Or, you can use it to break through hidden underground pipe, that results in embarrassment and costs small fortunes to fix.

Once you have your fence post and rail materials as well as the hodge-podge of nails, string, duct tape, and any other home-brewed fence building stuff together — It’s time to begin!

Here’s where I have to interrupt myself. Because as usual, Mother Nature has her own ideas about how I go about home improvement. As soon as I started digging the post holes, I discovered the water table is too high this time of year! I dug down maybe a foot or so, and I unearthed the sauce. A nice muddy goo — Why couldn’t it have been the Jed Clampett type? “Black gold, Texas tea…?”

The fence is going to have to wait. Punching holes, planting posts, and hanging rails is too much work. We can skip the Farmer-John routine, for now. I’ll get my veggies at the produce counter and let Fluffy the four-legged garbage disposal go hunting somewhere else for dinner.

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