My House has Wrinkles.

I’m starting to look like my house. They say, “We are what we eat.”, or that people look like their pets. I’m ready to take it one step further…

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“I should have married a plumber.”

My wife says she mistakenly married me for love… She should have hitched up with someone more handy.

I know. As a husband and homeowner I’m supposed to wear a lot of hats — Prince Charming, bread winner, and tool user. I do the best I can. In fact, I can perform miracles with super glue.

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Handyman Hell

There’s a man in my backyard who’s covered in dirt and looks like a Sasquatch.

I guess it’s my fault. I didn’t want to do the work, myself. WRONG… Backup. I DID want to do it myself, but my wife said, “I’m not allowing you to dig holes, use buckets and shovels, and drag dirt into the house.” She’s right. I did that when I was 8 years old, and now grown ups get paid for the pleasure.

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Homeowner’s To-Do Lists are Longer

I have a memory like a sieve — and, if I don’t keep a daily list, I can never remember what I’m supposed to do. And as a fellow homeowner, I think our lists are the grand daddies. I have lists of lists. My lists are so long, they come with titles like, “My life story. Part 6.”, or “The Return of Honey-Do.”

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Fix Something, Break Something

I think the Home Ownership gods are mad at me. I can’t seem to attempt any around-the-house fix-up projects without breaking something else in the process. I guess I’m a klutz.

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Ants in my Pants

Well, the invasion has begun. No, not the Martians — the creepy crawlers out in my garage. And, don’t ask me why they’ve decided to march in, now…
I called a pet store, in hopes of finding an Ant Eater. I’ve seen pictures — They’re kind’a cute and have that family resemblance. But, no luck.

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Nature’s Dandruff

I went outside today (that was my first mistake), and it was obvious that summer’s over. Everywhere I looked was covered in earthly decay. There were cones and more cones, leaves and more leaves. There were twigs and needles, and enough naked trees to make an arborist blush.
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House Pimples

Wow. Do you ever go to some body’s house and feel alarmed at the lack of care, and poor condition it’s in?

I mean, you’re walking up to the front door and you glance at the yard and think, “EEK. Look at those dandelions! They’re the size of a Volkswagen!”

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